first time

Hello to all well give this a shot , as it seems the only way to possibly get some help , for myself and others suffering with this disease and or any other s that over night changed your whole existance and , as do i , quite often feel so lost and pointless , even though there are so many others that have it much worse , i just dont know where or how to fit in any more , .... Yes there is depression and self loathing , but yet at times there is only a severe sence of feeling apathy and total misdirection ,. I often try to think of what to do to fix this about myself but to no avail . Yes i do recieve social security, and i can almost pay the bills each month however food is not included in this equation, and if one cant love himself how can he possibly ever hope to be loved < because of this friggen disease i feel like i am an alien , but in America Illegal Aliens have more rights then sick americans, oh i have not mentioned i have Dystonia centered in my back muscles but has since spread to all areas,......will write more soon